Ahhhh Mini Me. Famous for his breathtaking performance of being really small and not talking in the second Austin Powers movie. Quite an impressive resume. Later, we found out why he didn’t talk: his voice sounds like Kerri Strug on helium. For those of you who didn’t get that gymnastics reference, here’s another more current one: his voice sounds like Paul Hamm on helium. If you didn’t get that reference either, just substitute the name with any gymnast that you’ve ever heard of. Strippers don’t count.

Anyway, now Mr. Troyer is making a name for himself on The Surreal Life, where I hear he’s stealing the show by being naked & drunk and peeing in random places. I do that all the time (and so does my dog) but you don’t see us parading it around on TV for all to see, do you?

Apparently his reality TV career (that sounds so sad) has caused the end of his marriage. I love the title of this article - "Troyer's ex still sore after breakup." I bet she is... Word has it that he called it off because “he felt he wouldn't be taken seriously as a reality TV star if he was married.” I’m thinking he wouldn’t be taken seriously because he’s about eight inches tall, alcoholic, and has a voice that you can replicate by rubbing two balloons together.

Even so, he claims to have had sex with three women at Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Mansion. I’m not buying it. I bet there are Playboy models that have aborted fetuses bigger than our boy Mini Me. Wow that was really wrong, I should delete that last sentence, but I’m too lazy.

Finally, here’s an article that breaks some groundbreaking news: “Verne Troyer is short.” I wonder what sleuthmaster uncovered that nugget of information. Good work, gumshoe!