This week’s Tool of the Week is a boundary-shattering event. In a surprise move, the award goes to Britney Federline, the first woman ever selected for the award. Who knows how many doors this will open for overrated young girls not being able to live up to their hype and then fall off in a horribly public way.

I know it’s trendy to pick on her lately, but recent events cannot be overlooked. Firstly, in the physical attractiveness department she has gone from “Smoking Hot” to “Hot” to “I’d hit it” to “I’d hit it but only because she’s Britney Spears” to “I’d hit it but wouldn’t tell anyone” and finally to “I wouldn’t touch her with John Bobbitt’s severed penis.” That’s a shame because in two more years she won’t be able to play the “pose for Playboy to resurrect struggling career” card anymore.

Other events such as “getting married” and “saying dumb things” and “looking like she got a severe beat-down with several ugly sticks” just tend to finally expose her for what she truly is: a lucky bitch from Louisiana whose parents forced her into fame to help pay the mortgage on their trailer and their septic tank bills.

Now I guess we’ll have to wait for the next pop starlet with no talent or self respect to fantasize about, which doesn’t seem likely to happen anytime in the near future… Check that, somehow I think that SHE, SHE, SHE, and THEY will come through for us just fine.